Well I'm getting what I wanted, I'm having a hysteroscopy - whoop whoop! Should I be so excited about having an operation?

The appointment was a bit stressful, not because of the clinic or staff, just the fact that I had a two year old with me - have you ever had vaginal swaps or an internal scan performed while your toddler sits (or should I say bounces around) on your stomach? That's right, I'm naked from the waist down running around the examination room after him, wondering how I was going to lie down and be "checked over"!
There was nothing for it, I had to hold him to control him and try to entertain him by pointing to the screen where dildocam was projecting my unfathomable uterine cavity. Worst bit was Isaac decided to twist around to see what the nurse was doing behind him just as she held up dildocam covered in a condom and lube ready to insert!!! Oh please let the image be forever erased from his young mind!!

Anyway the scan showed that I have a thin lining, it was 5.5mm when should be at least 8mm at that stage in the cycle. This link http://fertility.ca/my-diagnosis/list-of-diagnoses/thin-uterine-lining/ explains why perfectly:

To implant successfully in your uterus, an embryo needs rich, nourishing uterine lining – not too thick and not too thin. Low estrogen, scar tissue from D&C procedures, fibroids and other issues can cause your uterine lining to thin out, or prevent your uterus from getting the blood flow it needs to thicken up. As a result, egg implantation is difficult.

The good news from the scan was, sadly not that I am already pregnant but that I still have an okay ovarian reserve for a woman my age! I had at least four follicles on my left ovary (blocked tube side)! The right was difficult to see because I either have a cystic area, which wouldn't be good or it was just the corpus luteum left over from ovulation this cycle. If I have no joy after the hysto I could go back and have a scan at an earlier stage in my cycle before ovulation and they could look at the ovaries then to make sure they are ok.

Before the scan I had my appointment with the consultant, it was really nice to introduce Isaac to him and the nurses. Isaac was busy pushing a chair around the consultants room while we had a chat. He agreed with me straight away that I should have a hysto because of the c-section, light periods and  possible scarring from previous ops. I was happy that he noted down when we were away, so we can relax knowing it won't interfere with our precious and much needed family time on holiday.

So another waiting game, when will it be...

The power of positive thinking!

A couple of hours later and I received my second phone call of the day, this time from the clinic! They have only offered me an appointment on Monday with the top guy! Whoop whoop! I have no child care and Hubby can't come but I don't care!

Wow - just had a phone call from the GP's secretary saying the clinic had made a mistake and I would get the initial consultation on the NHS! So they have cancelled the 9th June appointment and are going to send me a new one. I'm not sure about this, will it be an even longer wait and with a different consultant, or even in the week we're on holiday? Let's not be negative, fingers-crossed, positive thinking and all that!

The doctor actually rang on time today and said she didn't know why we were being charged and said she'd get the secretary to follow it up, and sure enough a couple of hours later I get a phone call! The GP's secretary told me that they hadn't requested a private referral and asked to see the letter the clinic had sent me so she could ring them and see what's going on. So of course I dropped the letter round to the surgery straight away and I'm waiting with high hopes - or a satisfactory explanation!

Secondary Infertility!

Let's get one thing straight - I feel truly blessed to have my son Isaac, and if I never have another child I will still be eternally grateful and satisfied!

Isaac turned 2 two weeks ago and he really is the light of my life! I love him so much and no matter how I'm feeling, there is no question of my unconditional love for him! But I know now that I could love another child just as much - I used to think that I couldn't because my love for Isaac was so consuming after all we went through to get him. I can see now how another child could fit into our lives. I can imagine a sibling for Isaac, and sending Hubby with two of them off to the park for the morning so I can shower alone!

My periods returned December 2013 but ever since Isaac was born we haven't bothered with contraception. The midwife and health visitor talk to you about the risks of falling pregnant again too easily in the fertile period after giving birth, even if you're breast feeding, and have we considered which method of birth control we're going to use? " We're just not going to do IT" I told them! But eventually Hubby had his wicked way with me and we jumped back on the TTC bandwagon again!

So here we are May 2015 and not even a whiff of a pregnancy! I waited a few months for my cycles to settle down after breast feeding. Then starting in October 2014 I tried 3 rounds of femara again - I managed to get it thanks to a friend travelling to Greece trying to have her second baby! Those three rounds of Femara didn't work but in March 2015 I struck lucky again and got another 3 rounds of Femara from a different friend who travelled to Greece trying to have her second baby (do you see a theme emerging?)! I only took two packs, I can't face the third pack knowing it could be the last and it hasn't worked!

So to today, I was just itching to get my thoughts down - frustration and anger at the unfairness of it all, nothing on the scale of before Isaac but still - why me? Check out this timeline:

04/02/15: decided to go the GP and see if I could get some tests to see if I'm menopausal because I'm having such light periods plus if I was maybe I could put TTC behind me once and for all and move on. The doc jumped on the secondary fertility bandwagon when it might have been better or quicker for me if I had a gyny referral. Says I could have some blood tests.
05/02/15: I went for bloods to test my Day 2-4 hormones even though I was on day 5 oops!
23/02/15: I went for Day 21 bloods, it wasn't day 21, oops!
02/03/15 I left it a week in case a miracle happened but when my period arrived I went back the GP's for the results. Guess what, I'm not menopausal and I'm still ovulating!
10/03/15: Hubby's turn - off to the clinic to give a sample
27/03/15: Off to the GP for the results - the results weren't back, what a surprise! Anyway the doctor declared that time was of the essence because of my age (42) and so she would refer us to the fertility clinic where they might be able to help us with things like clomid.
30/04/15: Fed up for waiting for a referral letter I ring the GPs to see what was happening. The receptionist looked at my file and said a letter had gone off on 14/04/15 to one hospital who then send it to where it needs to go. She gave me the number for both places but I didn't bother ringing, I just silently fumed that it had taken over two weeks for the GPs to send the referral letter off!
09/05/15: letter arrives for an appointment on 9th June with one of the consultants I was hoping for yay! But boo - I'd have to wait another month! Then I spotted something scribbled at the bottom of the letter:

I never asked my GP for a private appointment at the clinic and there was never any mention of money, so why am I expected to pay £150???

11/05/15 (today): 8am ring docs - got telephone appointment for tomorrow.

12/05/15: Watch this space...