Let's get one thing straight - I feel truly blessed to have my son Isaac, and if I never have another child I will still be eternally grateful and satisfied!
Isaac turned 2 two weeks ago and he really is the light of my life! I love him so much and no matter how I'm feeling, there is no question of my unconditional love for him! But I know now that I could love another child just as much - I used to think that I couldn't because my love for Isaac was so consuming after all we went through to get him. I can see now how another child could fit into our lives. I can imagine a sibling for Isaac, and sending Hubby with two of them off to the park for the morning so I can shower alone!
My periods returned December 2013 but ever since Isaac was born we haven't bothered with contraception. The midwife and health visitor talk to you about the risks of falling pregnant again too easily in the fertile period after giving birth, even if you're breast feeding, and have we considered which method of birth control we're going to use? " We're just not going to do IT" I told them! But eventually Hubby had his wicked way with me and we jumped back on the TTC bandwagon again!
So here we are May 2015 and not even a whiff of a pregnancy! I waited a few months for my cycles to settle down after breast feeding. Then starting in October 2014 I tried 3 rounds of femara again - I managed to get it thanks to a friend travelling to Greece trying to have her second baby! Those three rounds of Femara didn't work but in March 2015 I struck lucky again and got another 3 rounds of Femara from a different friend who travelled to Greece trying to have her second baby (do you see a theme emerging?)! I only took two packs, I can't face the third pack knowing it could be the last and it hasn't worked!
So to today, I was just itching to get my thoughts down - frustration and anger at the unfairness of it all, nothing on the scale of before Isaac but still - why me? Check out this timeline:
04/02/15: decided to go the GP and see if I could get some tests to see if I'm menopausal because I'm having such light periods plus if I was maybe I could put TTC behind me once and for all and move on. The doc jumped on the secondary fertility bandwagon when it might have been better or quicker for me if I had a gyny referral. Says I could have some blood tests.
05/02/15: I went for bloods to test my Day 2-4 hormones even though I was on day 5 oops!
23/02/15: I went for Day 21 bloods, it wasn't day 21, oops!
02/03/15 I left it a week in case a miracle happened but when my period arrived I went back the GP's for the results. Guess what, I'm not menopausal and I'm still ovulating!
10/03/15: Hubby's turn - off to the clinic to give a sample
27/03/15: Off to the GP for the results - the results weren't back, what a surprise! Anyway the doctor declared that time was of the essence because of my age (42) and so she would refer us to the fertility clinic where they might be able to help us with things like clomid.
30/04/15: Fed up for waiting for a referral letter I ring the GPs to see what was happening. The receptionist looked at my file and said a letter had gone off on 14/04/15 to one hospital who then send it to where it needs to go. She gave me the number for both places but I didn't bother ringing, I just silently fumed that it had taken over two weeks for the GPs to send the referral letter off!
09/05/15: letter arrives for an appointment on 9th June with one of the consultants I was hoping for yay! But boo - I'd have to wait another month! Then I spotted something scribbled at the bottom of the letter:
Isaac turned 2 two weeks ago and he really is the light of my life! I love him so much and no matter how I'm feeling, there is no question of my unconditional love for him! But I know now that I could love another child just as much - I used to think that I couldn't because my love for Isaac was so consuming after all we went through to get him. I can see now how another child could fit into our lives. I can imagine a sibling for Isaac, and sending Hubby with two of them off to the park for the morning so I can shower alone!
My periods returned December 2013 but ever since Isaac was born we haven't bothered with contraception. The midwife and health visitor talk to you about the risks of falling pregnant again too easily in the fertile period after giving birth, even if you're breast feeding, and have we considered which method of birth control we're going to use? " We're just not going to do IT" I told them! But eventually Hubby had his wicked way with me and we jumped back on the TTC bandwagon again!
So here we are May 2015 and not even a whiff of a pregnancy! I waited a few months for my cycles to settle down after breast feeding. Then starting in October 2014 I tried 3 rounds of femara again - I managed to get it thanks to a friend travelling to Greece trying to have her second baby! Those three rounds of Femara didn't work but in March 2015 I struck lucky again and got another 3 rounds of Femara from a different friend who travelled to Greece trying to have her second baby (do you see a theme emerging?)! I only took two packs, I can't face the third pack knowing it could be the last and it hasn't worked!
So to today, I was just itching to get my thoughts down - frustration and anger at the unfairness of it all, nothing on the scale of before Isaac but still - why me? Check out this timeline:
04/02/15: decided to go the GP and see if I could get some tests to see if I'm menopausal because I'm having such light periods plus if I was maybe I could put TTC behind me once and for all and move on. The doc jumped on the secondary fertility bandwagon when it might have been better or quicker for me if I had a gyny referral. Says I could have some blood tests.
05/02/15: I went for bloods to test my Day 2-4 hormones even though I was on day 5 oops!
23/02/15: I went for Day 21 bloods, it wasn't day 21, oops!
02/03/15 I left it a week in case a miracle happened but when my period arrived I went back the GP's for the results. Guess what, I'm not menopausal and I'm still ovulating!
10/03/15: Hubby's turn - off to the clinic to give a sample
27/03/15: Off to the GP for the results - the results weren't back, what a surprise! Anyway the doctor declared that time was of the essence because of my age (42) and so she would refer us to the fertility clinic where they might be able to help us with things like clomid.
30/04/15: Fed up for waiting for a referral letter I ring the GPs to see what was happening. The receptionist looked at my file and said a letter had gone off on 14/04/15 to one hospital who then send it to where it needs to go. She gave me the number for both places but I didn't bother ringing, I just silently fumed that it had taken over two weeks for the GPs to send the referral letter off!
09/05/15: letter arrives for an appointment on 9th June with one of the consultants I was hoping for yay! But boo - I'd have to wait another month! Then I spotted something scribbled at the bottom of the letter:
I never asked my GP for a private appointment at the clinic and there was never any mention of money, so why am I expected to pay £150???
11/05/15 (today): 8am ring docs - got telephone appointment for tomorrow.
12/05/15: Watch this space...
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